Sometimes that statement makes me cringe. If that statement is a true one, we all best be very selective with who we chose to call our friend and who we chose to give our time to.
I make friends easily. On planes, on trains, in cars, in bars, in courses, on horses, at lunch, upon a hunch, through my boys, because of my sporting toys….. it seems no matter where I go I come back with new friends.
The real question for me to answer is, “How do I feel when I am on my way home from being with these people I am calling friends?”.
Do I feel energized, powerful and giddy or am I drained and exhausted? Are my friends and business partners feeding my spirit or sucking the life out of me? Do they give what they take, or do they just take.
Do we share values, beliefs and commitments? Or do we share partying and fun over cocktails and gossip?
The naked truth at times hurts. Sometimes even people I have known and loved for a decade need to take a back seat because they are stealing my energy, time and in some cases my spirit.
One of my new friends and inspirations is a man named Michael Nila, Michael is the CEO of Guardian Quest. When we met we discussed everything from spiritual matters, leadership, parenting, sex, business and family. I was sharing with Michael my dilemma of as I get busier and have less time, how selective I need to be with what I do with my time. He says purging is part of life. Sometimes you see people because of the family connection, other times because of a deep bond and a need to be with that person, other times it is to fill in the space or out of obligation. The key is evaluate, assess, weigh the pros and cons of having certain people in your life. Sometimes when there are people who I am around out of guilt or fear they limit who else comes into my life and the time I would have to nurture the right relationships is wasted and misused. WOW, it seems pretty much like the coaching I give to hiring managers and business leaders on choosing their talent wisely. When the student is ready the teacher appears.
Michael believes that Magic moments are what ties people together and builds foundational bonds. Sharing things that matter, like life training programs, family events, kids sporting games, life losses, charity events, spiritual awakenings and uplifting adventures. He said that the ability to communicate good, bad, happy, sad, real feelings is critical. As he was speaking I kept checking in with myself for how I was interpreting his words. The thought that kept popping up was shared values. Common bonds, common life experiences, aligned beliefs, similar work ethics and missions in life.
It is a lot like hiring, right? You are the sum of the 5 people you surround yourself with in business. Are you surrounding yourself with challenging people who will up the ante or are you surrounding yourself with people who are happy just to have a place to call home?
My conversation with Michael was very timely, actually perfect as I plan for 2010. I chose ideal friendships, and ideal lover, ideal business partners, ideal employees and ideal customers, people of depth, purpose and passion. People who will call me to be at my best.
Cha Ching – Ring in the New Year!
Best of Success in 2010